My Dilemma...

Someone tell me how to understand this whole life thing... please??? Does God put you in the right place at the right time? Does He confuse you and make you think you have everything together, or is that just me confusing myself? Why are some of us so passionate about what we believe and others so apathetic? Should I take the word of God literally, even when others take it with a grain of salt? Why do you call yourself a Christian if you don't really believe the foundations of it?
All of these are questions I have been faced with the last few weeks. I am in a really crazy place in my life. I feel like I am fighting with God. He is telling me to do things and I want so bad to do other things before I submit to His will. God is telling me again and again that living the life I do is not the one he wants for me. There is a reason I can't choose a major and stick with it, there is a reason I get so burnt out with school, work, and people sometimes. God has been calling me for years into missions. I spent a year of my life and a few weeks here and there serving Him abroad, but he is telling me that I am not done. God's word has been speaking to me, and I want to begin to take it literally. In Matthew 10 Jesus is talking to a rich man, compared to the rest of the world Matt Walker is a rich man," Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." Gods word is so simple. I have decided to stop trying to make this work, trying to get what I want. For example I want a college degree, I want to have a home, I want to get married. I want I want! God is calling me daily to serve him like in that verse, and I make excuses. I tell people that before I leave again to do missions I want to be married, I guess that means that I am afraid to go alone. Last week a preacher told me something really cool, he said stop seeking a wife, stop looking for that perfect person, and start seeking the perfect God, and he will take care of the rest. How true... If I seek him he will grant me the desires of my heart. I heard a story, a real life story last week about a Man, a husband, a father, who felt a call from God and he wasn't afraid. God called him to sell every thing he had, and move to Polland, and he did it. He and his Wife and 3 kids packed to bags and a carry on each and moved to Polland to serve the Roma people. They sold everything, there, house, cars, TVs, stuff!!!! They left it all for Gods work. . Why is it so hard for me to respond to God's call? I dont have kids, or a house, what is holding me back? God has placed Africa on my heart for a reason, and he is calling me there, how soon I do not know, but I am prepared to live out his word. I want to take it literally....
I love myself, and Jesus has called me to love others the same way. Everything I have on this earth is worthless... all of my stuff, is garbage. Thats what his word says. Sell it all and give it to the poor... Why is that so hard?